Laziness

Looking back at the previous posting there - glad I wrote it down.

It's all a bit in flux with me internally at present. Unsettled. I'm back in London now and after an initial buzz of being back in the bosom of familiarity, I think I've become somewhat lazy.

I think this is the biggest challenge I face right now - laziness. I could have all the opportunity in the world presented to me - the job of my dreams, a great place to live, friends, money, emotional security, but without the internal motivation to build upon this then it all means nothing. I was thinking about this today. Living with Tom has really brought this home. He seems to me like someone who sees things through. When there's something to be done, he does it. In my case, when the effort becomes too much, too uncomfortable I take the easy option and relax, even when there are still things to be done.

My dreams

It's not as hard for me to think about what my dreams are. It's actually fairly present in my awareness. Languages. I can get obsessive about learning new things. In fact, I'm pretty certain that much of the work I've done with computers has to do with this love of learning syntax etc. So, push come to shove, I would say that learning languages is a passion of mine. I've always known this, I guess I just had to say it out loud.

Another things that I still could be fun is making interactive applications - thinking back to the map exhibition I saw in Potsdammer Platz. I don't know if I'll be any good at it, but with the job starting in London I'll get paid to learn about ActionScript and Flex, whilst earning a salary doing what I do best, ColdFusion.

This is an utterly fantastic position to be in. A realisation though - it's sometimes not a case of not knowing what to do next: more often than not it can be a case of not knowing how to take the next steps, or being lazy and not following through, or just simply settling into old habits and not recognising that dreams should be followed. I have to deal with all three of these issues.

Venison roasting nicely. Slug of red and a handful of shallots. Drool.

using ping.fm to gather together this mess of web2.0 sites. Nice :)